November 17, 2006 marks the four year anniversary of the first time I got shit-hammered, went onstage in front of a bunch of strangers, and talked about jerking off. It was my first attempt at "standup comedy." Although I bombed like I was declaring jihad on the crowd, I did note one fat woman giggle when I mentioned how my dad caught me spanking it to scrambled porn. Apparently, that was enough and a standup comic was born.

Serendipitously, November 17th will ALSO be my coming out party as a player in the world of standup comedy.

I will be performing at the HBO Comedy Festival in Las Vegas. I'm going to be opening for Jamie Kennedy and Bob Saget at Caesar's Palace at 9:30pm for 3,000 plus in an industry heavy crowd. Although "they say" you don't find your voice as a comic until your fifth year, and all you hear about is how every fucking comic sucked dungballs until their 8th year, I'm thinking I wanna make a fucking impression.

And I want all my readers, fans, and friends to be there for it. It's a lousy 50 American dollars for the show, so go to Vegas to watch me blow up or melt down. I won't be doing "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" hack jokes. I'm going to be talking about me and my shit and hopefully offending a nice portion of the crowd along the way.

In a further display of crazy fate, my editor and Rudius family member Nils "Drunkasaurus Rex" Parker will be in Vegas for his birthday. It will ALSO be the birthday of my friend Stu Stone, who will be rizapping with Jamie Kennedy during the show. Things are probably going to get crazy. In short, someone is getting syphilis. Luckily, they check for that at security when you leave Vegas now.

Rudius godfather Tucker Max will be there with his girlfriend, Courtney. Nils and their friend Tom (aka Soylent Green) will also be there with their gf's. Although they promise me shit is going to get nuts, I'm guessing these pussy whipped bastards are going to duck out early to watch their TGIF fav "Meerkat Manor" while they power cuddle under a blankee at the Bellagio.

I will be with my drunken Irish parents from Virginia, convincing them not to bet their retirement on "red." My two older brothers will also be there and we're going to kick it old school bath tub style and sleep in the same suite. Hey, if you bring an inflatable, you can sleep on the floor. I get to fuck the inflatable first, though.

Buy tickets here and party with me, Jamie Kennedy, the rest of the Rudius Media family and their friggin' girlfriends for my coming out party as a standup.

Posted by Bill Dawes at 12:44 PM

Print Friendly · Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Netscape

Comment Policy:

Anonymous comments are allowed. All anonymous comments and comments from those not registered with TypeKey are moderated. They WILL NOT appear until they are read and approved by a moderator.

It is strongly encouraged that you sign up and login with a TypeKey account. Once you do that, your comments will be immediately posted.

Comments

Posted by: TheBunny at October 28, 2006 01:20 AM

Posted by: billdawes at October 28, 2006 10:04 AM

Posted by: Brandon at October 30, 2006 01:33 PM

Posted by: TheBunny at October 30, 2006 02:39 PM

Posted by: M at October 30, 2006 09:50 PM

Posted by: Brandon at October 31, 2006 04:21 PM

Posted by: billdawes at November 1, 2006 12:01 PM

Posted by: Allan at November 1, 2006 01:20 PM

Posted by: Randy at November 1, 2006 10:56 PM

Posted by: Godzirra, Formerly Fire Bitch at November 17, 2006 05:37 PM

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:
Remember Me? YesNo

Comments:

Please type the phrase 'billdawes' in the box below (required):